Instant Pleasure

2003-08-01T21:06:00.000-07:00

Probably moving blogsphere's for those of you that are still here.

2003-05-15T07:47:00.000-07:00

Just had to geek out a little bit more about the cool new features I'm currently working with on our phone system. With the upgrade that we just completed, we added extension to cell phone transferring, IP softphones, outcalling, and are now looking (I'm looking anyway and probably going to propose it just because it's so cool) at unified communications. Let me explain.
Extension to cell phone transferring means that you type in a code when you are out of the office and it transfers any calls to your extension to your cell phone / pager / home phone or whatever other number you designate so you don't miss your calls.
IP softphones allow an individual to login to our phone system from a remote location and use our PBX's internal features on their home phone, laptop, or cell phone. Outcalling is where the voicemail pages you on a cell phone, pager, home phone, etc... when someone leaves you a message in your office mailbox to notify you to check the message.
Finally, unified communication is where you can check all your voicemail and e-mail messages with a cell phone, then respond to an e-mail message with a voice message. So if I was out of the office on a business call and someone sent me an e-mail asking to set up a meeting with me later in the week, I could get that message read to me by the VM on my cell phone, then reply with a spoken message that the VM would convert into a text file, then send back with my response.

Just more cool things coming out from your friends at Avaya.

2003-05-15T07:06:00.000-07:00

Okay so I'm not as consistent as I should be with my blogging, but eventually I'll get back into the groove. It's been busy on the old homestead this week with Meghan's parents visiting this weekend with some friends and their kids. So our serene three person household (Meghan, me, and our dog Cali) will jump to a ten person household for the weekend. Right now we are struggling to pull everything together in our house before they show up, and it has been rough. We dethatched our lawn last week which resulted in 36 bags of dead grass after raking it all up, which is sitting in my garage until we load them in the cars this evening to dump at the compost heap in Buffalo. I was unaware that most cities have free dumps for lawn waste, which people can then visit and buy the compost for their gardens, lawns, or whatever for a small fee. Not that Meghan and I have a lot of lawn and garden waste floating around our house, but it's just good to know. We are also working on some landscaping, planting flowers, fixing the dogs kennel, ripping up sod and putting down cement tiles, etc... The last project I had for yesterday was using a miter saw to cut a 1/4" trench through my driveway to drop our electric dog fence wire into. I have to say it was a pretty cool sensation ripping through the driveway with a circular saw, but lost the sparkle when I had to backfill with the blacktop sealant. Not as much fun as it sounded - though I was wearing my paintball mask to cover my eyes and face from kickback (scaring the neighbor kid in the process.) Nothing says howdy neighbor like a masked man with power tools.

So this all means our house will be in tip top shape for when the in-laws show up tomorrow, not for a social call however. Meghan's dad (Mark) and his friend (Ron) are going to help us start our basement project. Now when I say "help" I mean they are going to do all the work and my buddy Aaron and I will be learning a great deal. We figure we can get the framing and part of the electrical done this weekend, which leaves us the drywall, plumbing and carpet for completion. Now to hop up on my soapbox. I'm not very good at this stuff. Don't get me wrong I've never been one to shy away from manual labor, but I'm a little nervous about this weekend because I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING about construction. Hell, my tools are sitting in cardboard boxes in the basement. The last time I did work with my tools was building a free standing wall in our living room, before that... hanging pictures in our bedroom. Far cry from building a basement, but we'll see how it works out.

I'll probably be away from blogging for a while, what with me being in the hospital next week with nail in the head or something. Either way I'll let you all know how it turns out.

2003-05-07T06:58:00.000-07:00

I know it has been a while since my last blogging session - looks like three months to the day - but I think after a fairly hectic winter I'm back to writing on a more permanent basis. The reason that I've been unavailable is that I'm spending more and more time at work taking on further responsibilities. Our company recently upgraded the telephone system that handles our day-to-day operations, and when I say our company I mean "me". Being a telecommunications company, it is pretty important that the equipment we are selling is working properly, so in addition to completing all my other daily responsibilities I am being asked to learn the intricacies of a $30k phone system. It's a little harrowing to say the least. Right now I am trying to figure out how to run our voice over IP (VOIP) application and an extension to cellular (EC500) call routing application. VOIP is an interesting product because it allows a business to run their voice protocal over the existing network, instead of using traditional T-1's or analog phone lines. The EC500 is a product that allows internal calls to forward to a cell phone, so any calls to your individual business phone can be sent directly to your cell phone, home phone, etc... It's an especially nice product for the outside sales person because they can give the appearance of being inside the office when they are actually on the golf course... er... I mean on a customer appointment.

This upgrade lead me to some revelations. One, I am a geek. Not only did I get excited about performing the upgrade, but I was excited to learn about all the new features, and applications we are able to run. I try to explain some of this to my wife, and god bless her she smiles and nods, but it does nothing for her.

Which leads me to my second revelation, work can only really be appreciated by someone with similar interests. Don't get me wrong, my wife and I have similar interests - but trying to explain to her some of the funny things that my customers' do is like talking ethics with a politician - it doesn't sink in. She sits and smiles while I tell her story after story of funny questions, interesting new applications, and goofy technicians I run into day after day, all the while she is probably thinking about what to have for dinner, or what test she has coming up.

The final revelation that dawned on me as I was pouring through feature after feature is something that society has been talking about for years, but didn't really hit me until a couple of days ago. As technology gets more advanced, human interaction becomes less and less important. Think about all the people you interact with on a daily basis. For me it is almost entirely over the phone. A disconnected voice calling for help, or questions, or answers that will probably never have a face associated with it. Faxes, e-mail, telephone, video conferencing, etc... all takes us further apart instead of bringing us closer together. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but simply an observation that struck home with me recently.

Thought someone might find it ironic as you are reading through my blog.

2003-02-07T09:35:00.000-08:00

More good news - our gym called to tell us our membership fees were lowered from here on out. We set up a 15 month membership where the rates lowered after we were there for 15 months. That call really did make my day. Now I don't feel so bad about skipping the gym, sitting on the couch watching movies and eating ice cream. I'll probably start hitting the gym right around the same time I start sweating from walking to the kitchen for more Cow Tracks (second only to Moose Lake Fudge for overall goodness). Until then though...

By the way, the Kemps flavor of the month is Hot Chocolate. Brief description : Chocolate Flakes And Mini Marshmallows Swirled In Chocolate Ice Cream. Though good tasting, it will never take the place of hot chocolate - especially when mixed with Bailey's. Yum.

2003-02-07T09:32:00.000-08:00

For whatever reason I was thinking about the environment this morning - more importantly thinking about George W's answer to pollution in the State of the Union address. He requested an increase in funding to move auto makers toward creating a hydrogen powered car that would run solely on water. Great move, and I really did applaude him on it when he spoke those words. Considering he is taking on the very industry that made him rich, and allowed him to be in the office he currently holds... probably not going to happen. However during my morning commute I found another reason the hydrogen powered car might not be such a good idea.

In Minnesota this morning we had air temperatures ranging from 13 below zero to 22 below zero - wind chill pushing those temperatures down to 18 and 30 below in outlying suburbs (where we live). The morning commute was good until I heard the traffic report - commuters coming into Minneapolis on 94 were slowed due to a 10 car pileup due to ice on the highway (no fatalities thankfully). After talking about the backups on the cross town, 694, 169, and 494, they made mention for motorists to be especially careful in areas where automobiles might be stopped for prolonged periods of time (stoplights, railroad crossings, on and off ramps, etc...) because the cars' exhaust was freezing to the road. I know that the carbon monoxide wasn't freezing to the road, but rather the moisture from the engine - which made me think about what would happen if a hydrogen powered car was ever in Minnesota in winter. I am guessing that the car would emit steam (or another by product high in H20) from the exhaust pipe. Not being an expert in hydrogen powered cars, wouldn't it at least make sense that the exhaust from this car would freeze to the road a lot easier than existing emissions would?

Another thought (for those of us that live in cold weather states) pertained to freezing pipes. Everyone knows that you need to flip your shutoff valves in the basement so your pipes don't freeze and burst - thus flooding your basement. It happens all the time, and those pipes are in the basement of your house. What would happen to cars where water was stuck in the lines heading to the engine, but has been sitting outside on the street all night? Wouldn't logic dictate that the water would freeze in the engine bringing a new meaning to the engine block? I suppose that if they installed engine heaters in all cars you might be able to bypass the engine freeze, but if the engine got too hot wouldn't it also boil the fuel?

Just thoughts I'm having on a Friday morning.

2003-01-30T12:01:00.000-08:00

By the way, Happy Birthday to my beautiful wife. She is twenty-something years old today and happily on her way to 30 (though she still passes for 18).

Love you.

2003-01-30T11:54:00.000-08:00

Well I think I have sat back long enough trying to weigh both sides of the State of the Union address, and should probably throw my two cents into the ring.

First of all, let me say that I don't think George W. Bush is doing a bad job as President - though there is certainly room for improvement. I enjoyed the last eight years we had because Clinton seemed to be more "middle of the road" than Presidents in the past, which lead to what I perceived as both sides getting their views heard. Has he been responsible for the downturn in the economy? Not possible. After the country rode the dot.com and telecommunications boom into the next century, the economy had to go somewhere - down being the likely direction.

Economy - I see the current economic plan that Bush has in place as the wrong direction to go. Granted the government is the single largest employer in the country - I don't have the numbers in front of me, but I won't argue this point - but increasing government spending is not going to turn the country around, especially when coincided with a tax cut. Putting money back into the pockets of tax payers is good policy. I don't care what side of the political fence you stand on (even those that stand on the damn thing and sling mud to both parties) getting a check from the government is always nice. However, the money I will get back after a tax refund is found money, and money that I feel could be (and should be) used to pay my way in this country. I don't use very many public services that my income tax money goes toward. Police, public roads, fire department, are a few that pop into my head right away. However I have healthcare, I'm not homeless, good job, no drug problems, not 65, but I feel that my good fortune can be used to benefit those that may or may not be down on their luck. The problem with Bush's plan as I see it is that increasing spending, while decreasing the amount of money being taken in, will only amount to a budget deficit. One would think that lowering taxes would co-coincide with a balancing of the federal budget. Not so much. Why not propose cuts on government spending that might make sense? Adding an additional $450m to the budget to mentor underprivileged children will not help turn this country around. Here's an idea, give that $450m budget surplus to inner city schools (most of the same children that would benefit from the mentor program) so they can give these kids a fighting chance by bettering their chances through education instead of giving them someone to talk to. Cut a deal with Dell, or IBM, or Gateway to let the government buy computers at $'s over cost to put into these schools. Deals like tax breaks, government funding, etc... would allow that $450m to go further than before. Why not set up a program with consumers around the country for the government to purchase their old computers in exchange for "computer cash" toward the purchase of a new computer? This would allow the government to buy used computers from consumers (to refurbish and put into schools at a lower price), then give citizens money that has to be used toward the purchase of a new computer, which would help the tech industry turn around their current situation. Employment would go up because the government would need to hire people to set up drop-off points, refurbish the computers, clean them, and re-distribute them to schools. In the private sector, computer companies would increase production (hiring more line workers), shipments around the country would increase (employing more dock workers and truck drivers), and the demand for computer parts would increase creating more jobs and profits to part suppliers. I'm just kind of curious why we as a country don't think along these lines.

Medicare / medical services - I have no idea what the problem is with this program. As I really have no opinion (other than agreeing with Bush that we should impose limits on malpractice suits) so I can't speak on it in earnest. Going back to the malpractice suit, I did hear about a woman that was suing a doctor because he branded UK (for University of Kentucky) on her pancreas before removing it. The only reason he was caught was because he gave her a tape of the operation. Now who does this really hurt? It wasn't left in her, she didn't die, wasn't hurt, so what the f*** does she care? I think that the doctor needs to be reprimanded by his superiors, and possibly fined by the hospital - or have his license removed - but why should the price of my healthcare go up because some patient won $40m, or whatever they will award her, to help her get over some writing on an organ that isn't in her anymore? It's like a dentist branding his initials in a baby tooth before yanking it out. Unprofessional, yes. Dangerous, not so much. Again, just an opinion.

Foreign Policy - I decided to leave this topic last because it seems to be the most hotly debated of all the points Bush made on Tuesday. Let's start with the easy one, AIDS relief for Africa. Why is it that when America is passing out money, food, and medicine, countries line up around the block for free handouts. When America starts asking questions about the treatment of citizens or the domestic / international policies of other countries, we are the great evil? I'm not suggesting that America has earned the right to question other countries government policies, but critics can't have it both ways. Arab, European, Asian, nations (and others) are condemning America, saying we brought our current terrorist problems upon ourselves due to our foreign policies. No one seems to mention to the rest of the world just how much money is currently sent out of our country in foreign aid. We as a country spend billions of dollars annually trying to improve the standard of living for other nations citizens, but continue to be criticized for our foreign policy. Great. For just one year, lets take all the money we are sending out to foreign countries in the form of medicine, food, and money and toss it around the 50 state. I guarantee that the standard of living in the United States increases exponentially. This is my foreign policy. Iraq, for everything they have done on an international stage - hiding WMD, researching nerve, VX, and mustard gas, flipping the collective "bird" to the UN and it's inspectors - should be the world's problem. It is not the financial or military responsibility of this nation to undertake a war with Iraq (alone or with UN support). As the information continues to filter out of Iraq, any UN resolutions for action against Iraq should involve an international undertaking, financially and militarily. The United States' responsibility is not to act as a hitman for the United Nations, and we as a country need to remember that. Money we are currently spending (1.5billion toward AIDS relief in Africa) in foreign countries is just as useful domestically.

I'm getting tired of going on and on. Hopefully someone reads this and has some suggestions for me. Please keep in mind that it is physically impossible to get my head up my own ass, so we can rule out that it's already there.

2003-01-27T09:17:00.000-08:00

So the Super Bowl has come and gone with the usual lackluster AFC performance typically reserved for the 90's Broncos or Bills. As the game featured the Raiders (boo, hiss) and the Bucs, I (as a marketing major) was more interested in the commercials than the game itself. Unfortunately I was a little bit let down this year, unlike years past. As I recall from my college days, the most important part of an advertisement is recall - the ability of your target market to remember the advertisement and specifically the product being advertised. So as I sat down this morning in my office, I could only remember a couple of ads from last nights Super Bowl, and some of the ads I couldn't even remember what the product was. As advertising companies become more and more dependant on television vs. radio and print ads, they must similarly become more outrageous and memorable than ever before. Print advertisements, and radio to a lesser degree, could reach their target market based on the publication or radio channel they used. Television advertisements have to appeal to a wider variety of users, and capture that market in the first 5 seconds, because of America's "channel surfer" mentality. If the advertisement isn't "fresh" (buzzwords suck) and innovative then the market will change the channel and look elsewhere.

My favorite commercial of recent months would have to be the young vs. old Gatorade commercial with Bulls MJ vs. Wizards MJ. Gatorade and Nike seem to be some of the only major advertisers still staying ahead of the curve for innovative and creative commercials. Budweiser (though the clown spot was hilarious), Reebok (with the exception of Terry Tate the office LB) and others are dropping into normalcy. Let me go back to the Reebok commercial though. That ad was HILARIOUS. The only real problem I see is if Reebok rides this concept into the ground. Riding an idea, then jumping to the next concept is what makes a marketing powerhouse. Taco Bell with the f'n dog, and all Old Navy commercials are examples of staying with an idea too long.

I've said it before, but I'm in the process of writing my congressman to propose a bill that would ban Old Navy and Taco Bell from ever advertising again. Let me know if you can think of any other companies that need to be added to my ban. GEICO is quickly working their way to the top.

2003-01-23T06:21:00.000-08:00

Back again after another hiatus, I swear I'm becoming as reliable a read as The Sports Guy. I need to get a little something off my chest before I begin another day of work. I need to vent about crappy drivers. On my way into work today I almost got into two accidents, and almost run off the road by another driver. Granted my drive into work takes about 40 minutes, but it's all highway driving and I should be able to comfortably set the cruise control at 60-62 mph and listen to whatever morning show catches my ear on that particular morning, not worrying about whatever a**hole is using his F150 to play bumper cars. My drive home is as much, if not more stressful than the drive in. I have to contend with massive amounts of traffic (which you wouldn't think is possible considering I live 30 miles from work), people rushing to get home, and as of yesterday got stuck behind some jagoff doing 40 mph in a 55.

Here's my beef. The DMV needs to create a more realistic measuring stick to determine who gets a driver's license and who doesn't. Right now you pretty much read a manual, pass a computerized test, make a few right turns (parallel parking, much less highway driving, isn't even covered on most tests) and here's your license. Meghan and I had to retake the written drivers test, to get our MN license's, which included such brain busters as what the state capital is, and the blood-alcohol level for a DUI. I understand that it is important to know the answers to both of these pressing questions, but it really doesn't show any applicable real world knowledge of operating a motor vehicle. How about adding questions that might actually tell us whether this person needs to be removed from the road. Add this question, "When driving down a two lane road in the left hand lane, and you are traveling at the EXACT SAME SPEED as the car to your right, what do you do?" If that person doesn't say to either speed up, or slow down and move into the right hand lane, we deny them a license immediately. Or how about adding this one, "When driving in a parking lot, how do you determine whether the aisle is a one way or two way aisle?" Come on - how hard is this?

Renewals are just stupid. You go in within 30 days of the expiration date and they give you a new license - no test, no questions, just a fee. What about taking another driving test, and not around the block, but a real honest to god driving test. My suggestions for improving our selection factor for who gets a license and who doesn't include flunking people if any of the following occurs.
Coming to a complete stop at a stop sign.
Driving slower than the posted speed limit (unless pregnant, children are in the car, or you are on fire).
Using the left hand lane as a parking lot.
NOT GIVING THE "WAVE" WHEN SOMEONE LETS YOU IN FRONT OF THEM.
Not merging when a posted sign says "Lane Ends in X ft.", instead passing everyone and then causing traffic jams when attempting to re-merge. Hell we should just pull people out of their car and shoot them for that one. (Don't get me wrong, I use those lane ends areas to pass slower motorists myself, but I know how to friggin' merge so I don't slow down traffic - which is the key.) That's about all I can think of right now, though I am REALLY looking forward to any opinions from the rest of you guys.

As a side note, I was driving home yesterday and saw a guy brushing his teeth on the drive home. I'm serious. 65 mph, and he's killing plaque.

2003-01-17T11:47:00.000-08:00

Damn it has been a while, but we are back and writing about useless points of fiction again.

Can we get a hip-hip-hooray for literacy? J.K. Rowling announced the release of the fifth installment of the Harry Potter series on June 20th, and in around two hours became a best-seller. For those of you who don't know about Harry Potter, please feel free to crawl out from underneath the rock you've been living under since '98, and club yourself with it. Most journalists, teachers, parents, and the general public have credited the Potter novels with turning kids on to books again. As video games, and TV become more mainstream forms of entertainment for children, less and less emphasis has been placed on grabbing a book and turning off the television. Rowling has revitalized what most would have considered a floundering industry and even made the best seller list create a children's category lest her novels gobble up the top spots. I'm sure some might consider the series "old" or wearing thin (due to heavy marketing of books, movies, and merchandise), however I feel that the intention behind these novels to be as honest and pure as the title character himself - and hope the series continues beyond the seven novel limit that Rowling has offered.

2003-01-09T12:08:00.000-08:00

On a brighter note, how about raising a glass with me while we toast to our health? Most of us know that reportedly drinking red wine helps reduce the risk or heart attack, however a recent study shows that we all need to pop the cork more often (that really sounds dirty doesn't it?). Scientists have deduced through careful study *hic* that it doesn't matter what you drink *hic*, or really how many you have *hic*, but rather how often you drink that makes the most difference *hic*. They reported that regardless of the other factors (type of alcohol, # of drinks) regarding alcohol consumption, it was frequency of use that played the biggest role in reducing heart attacks. Anyone want to hit happy hour?

For our hearts that is.

2003-01-09T11:57:00.000-08:00

I think we have all had family pets at one time or another in our lives, and think of them as members of the family - which makes it difficult when they eventually pass away. Imagine being pulled over by the Highway Patrol, dragged from your car, handcuffed, and had to watch a trooper shoot your grandmother in the head with a shotgun. Welcome to the Smoak family's nightmare. Apparently when coming back from visiting family for New Year's the family was pulled over by Highway Patrol for being involved (erroneously) in a robbery. On the dashboard police video, both the Mother and Father are heard asking the officers to close the door so their dogs don't get loose. The officers ignore the requests - and sure enough one of the dogs gets loose. The tape shows their dog leap from the car and run up and down the side of the highway, wagging his tail and jumping around, then runs back toward the family. An officer is then seen raising his shotgun and shoots the dog in the head, killing it immediately. The family is considering hiring a lawyer and filing a lawsuit against the police department. I don't know if I can put my anger over this story into words, so I'm going to stop while I'm ahead.

2003-01-08T12:56:00.000-08:00

Joe Millionaire. I was actually pretty interested to see how this TV show would play out, and honesty I was pretty surprised by the whole thing. For those of you that don't know what this show is all about (basically been under a rock for the last two months) it takes a construction worker who makes $19k annually, sends him to the south of France to meet 20 eligible bachelorette. They are under the impression that he has inherited $50 million dollars - he hasn't - and hilarity ensues. On a side note, what kind of construction worker makes only 19k per year? If he was part time or something I believe it, but most construction workers make more than $8-9 per hour. I think our friend Evan needs to call his Union rep instead of giving Fox a call.

So the show starts with Fox showing us Evan the construction worker, and how hard they had to work to make it believeable that he has inherited $50m. They gave him new clothes, haircut, etiquette lessons, dining lessons (what fork does what, what wine goes with which meal), dancing lessons, horseback riding lessons, etc... all to make him more presentable (believable) as a millionare. First off, why does he have to do all this stuff? According to what I saw in the show they made it seem that he had just inherited his fortune a couple of years earlier. Now if I had inherited $50m a couple of years ago, my first thoughts do NOT include "now that I'm a millionare I should really work on my etiquette." Anyone else feel the same way? My biggest beef with this is regarding the premise of the show. Fox has said this show is about whether the women can overcome a $50m lie, and love "Joe" for who he is as a person. So shouldn't they have left his personality and attributes alone then?

Either way, it's pretty good compared to The Bachelor for overall nastiness. My favorite part of the first episode was when the butler announced that they would meet the bachelor at a ball that evening. He told them that there were 20 ball gowns in the other room, and they would each get to pick out their own dress for that evening. As a man, I would have been watching the whole scene from behind a two way mirror to see what these women are REALLY like. So the ladies put numbers into a hat, and each picked a number fairly and orderly to decide who would get to go into the room first. Not so much. They all stormed into the room like cattle (some in a near gallop) to grab the best dress to show off their... er... personality in. Some girls were hogging dresses, whispering and giving nasty looks, and there was a tear or two shed over it. Must see TV kind of stuff.

All in all, this is going to go down as the turning point in American television. From here we have another reality TV show from Fox called Married by America. "Contestants" are brought together and presented with a couple of different choices for their potential mate based on personality tests and interviews. They date, meet the parents, friends, blah, blah, blah, and America gets to decide (by a call in vote I assume) who this person marries - then they get married right then an there. PLEASE tell me that someone else has an opinion on this.

2003-01-07T13:44:00.000-08:00

Back again after an extended vacation. I was kind of digging that whole work two days, take Wednesday off, work another two days, two day weekend... Why can't we make this the norm instead of work five days, take two off? Though Erik might have the right idea, what with the work two years, take two off or whatever his life plan is these days - though if I had the means I would follow suit. Which reminds me, what the hell happened with that powerball thing? I had big plans for that money, but I got the big fat cosmic f*** you for all my planning. Seriously though, why is it always someone from the freaking south that picks the right numbers? Is it to make up for the weather and stupid accents or what?

So Meghan and I were talking about what we would do with the $170 million (I think that was the after tax amount) if we nailed the right numbers. She said she would quit working and immediately start the house hunting (there is a white house we pass every day on our way home from work that she LOVES. The damn thing should come equipped with spotlight and tabernacle choir whenever we pass. But I digress.) We thought it might be nice to pay off our respective family's mortgages and do some traveling around the world before retiring - or starting a business or two (Happy Joe's and taco pizza baby). Some of our tax break thoughts were to buy houses for our family and friends, then sell the property to them for like $100 after the capital gains tax becomes moot. As I recall you can only give $10K per person as a gift per year, and with $170m in the bank that's simply not enough. One of our friends had the idea of buying a huge plot of land and building houses on it for all his friends and family. I thought that was a great idea, but decided it might not work because you would feel bad for lighting their mailbox on fire when their dog craps in your yard, though block parties would rock like Marti Gras.

Anyway, I was thinking about it and wondering if anyone else had any ideas of what to do with the money?

2002-12-30T13:44:00.000-08:00

This is my favorite week of the year. The time after Christmas and before New Years. There is something about different about this week. There is still the post hoiday glow mixed in with the pre holiday anticipation. I have found that this week is one of the easiest to work - and there is usually a air around most people where things seem easier. Then if you add a couple days to each end of the week you have: Family, two holidays, cheesy movies, egg nog, travel, the last week of NFL football, and of course bowl games. As ESPN says in their new commercial - what a wonderful time of the year. What are your favorite times of the year?

2002-12-20T09:43:00.000-08:00

I believe that all movie reviewers must first state both the feelings they had about a movie before they say it as well what they know about the genere. I found this especially important when reading reviews for the new lord of the rings movie. It was apparent when you came across reviews from people that clearly had no interest in fantasy movies. Complaining that there was too much jargon in the movie - and some things seemed far fetched. Then there were those people that loved the first movie and had already convinced themselves that this series was everything they hoped the star wars prequals would be. I am pretty sure they have already written their review for the final movie in the trilogy just to get it done early. And a final note about reviews in general - they are reviews and not plot summations. People complain about trailers revealing too much about movies - yet I cannot even read the reviews on cnn.com for fear of spoilers.

So my review of the twin towers as a person that both enjoys a good fantasy movie and enjoyed the first one:

If you saw and enjoyed the first movie - go and see this one and you will enjoy it similarly. It builds on what the first started. This movie sets the trillogy up for an amazing conclusion - but does not sacrifice enjoyment, storytelling, or an amazing battle scene that alones rivals most great action movies. BUT THIS IS NOT A STAND ALONE MOVIE and was never intended to be. If you have not seen the first movie - that is almost a prerequisite (and I recommend the extended version that has a couple extra scenes that explain small details here and there that the original did not have).

2002-12-18T10:41:00.000-08:00

I guess the phrase, "you get what you pay for" would be applicable here. The St. Louis Circuit Court recently ruled that the University of Missouri broke a 1939 law providing free tuition to Missouri residents that qualified. From 1986 through the present, the University has been charging students educational fees that was loosely based on the number of credit hours the student was taking - but claimed it was vastly different than charging tuition. Huh? Let's see, we are going to charge you an educational fee based on the number of hours you are taking, but we aren't charging you tuition - sure as hell sounds like tuition to me. Granted I got an education at the University of Iowa where they fuck you face to face instead of at the University of Missouri where they talk nice and fuck you in a very uncomfortable place... and not the back of a Volkswagon Bug (please let me know in comments if anyone got this reference).

2002-12-16T11:26:00.000-08:00

Should be pretty easy.

"Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hangin' curveball, high fibre, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days."

2002-12-16T11:11:00.000-08:00

I found an interesting website where they have an ongoing movie quote quiz. Apparantly if you guess the quote, you are automatically required to enter in a new quote, and the game goes on from there - unfortunately I don't remember where to find it. So I was thinking we could do the same thing under the comments screen. Please have a quote ready, and in the case of a tie we will take the first person responding - I'll monitor the progress so we don't have multiple answers.

2002-12-16T10:59:00.000-08:00

Going with the whole movie theme for the day, how about some movie quotes? Here is a website that will not only let you read some quotes, but has a link that lets you hear the quote before guessing. I don't think there is a score on this one, but I found it amusing to see how many of the quotes I knew and how sad it was that I knew most of them. Let me know if anyone scores perfect on it - I seemed to miss about 1 or 2 on each quiz.

2002-12-16T07:06:00.000-08:00

So National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation was on TV last night, though not the same "edited and compressed to fit into the time allowed", it still has to be one of my favorite Christmas movies of all time. I know that there are more traditional Christmas movies ("It's a Wonderful Life" for most), but this movie is only topped by A Christmas Story for me. I was flipping through the channels yesterday and came across the "double dog dare" in A Christmas Story and started snickering right away. For those of you that don't remember, just catch the movie - hell it's on TV somewhere, you just have to look hard enough - the rest of us will wait until you catch up. Anyway, in college we used to play a drinking game while watching Christmas Vacation - pick out some of the more widely used words in the movie (Clark, Sparky, Christmas, Tree, Merry, Ellen, etc...) put them in a hat, and draw words (however many you feel is fair). Once the movie starts, you have to take a drink every time your word is said. Now you wouldn't think this would be such a big deal, but last night is the first time I've seen the end of the movie since I went to college. For whatever reason I usually got either Christmas or Griswold and was counting lights on the house about halfway through. I found the movie a little less amusing than I remember, but appreciated Chevy Chase's understated brand of humor none the less. Though we watched this movie about 3 times a year in college, I found it more enjoyable after every viewing - whether this was due to the movie, the rum, or good memories, and was hoping that we might all share a smile remembering

"tis the season to be merry,"
"that's my name."

Y'all know what comes next.

2002-12-10T10:26:00.000-08:00

Women of the world unite? Here's a little something that people might find interesting. If you read through the article, please pay special attention to the bra they are testing right now with a built in pocket to, "put your money or keys." Nice.

2002-12-10T09:39:00.000-08:00

Joe Millionare - absolutely brilliant. I can't wait until this show comes out, not just because it gives me another opportunity to see back biting and cat fights on TV, but because it will be an interesting commentary on what women are truely looking for in a man. If you don't already know, Joe Millionare is a "Bachelor" rip-off coming to you from Fox this January. It has 25 women shipped off to London, or Paris (or wherever rich people have houses that look like castles) to meet a millionare named Joe, and fall in love. Same premise as "the bachelor" except it turns out Joe is really a construction worker who pulls down $19k annually - my guess is they won't tell the girls until the end (duh). I think it will be interesting to see the ladies reaction when they find out how much money this guy actually makes - but not for the reasons you might think. My interest here will be to see if the women follow their true nature (or anyone's true nature) and act upset about being lied to and deceived, or if they are just going to play along and "act their part" on national TV. Me, I would be upset. You are brought to the south of France (again, think castles) under false pretenses, then lied to and deceived into loving someone - or loving someone's money, whatever - who then comes clean on national TV so America can rag on you if you don't grin and bear it. Not happening. I'm hoping one of the women loses it and tells him that if he would have met her in a bar and told her he only made $19k she would have been fine with it, and loved him regardless. Now, not so much. Can't deal with the deception.

So we are subjected to an honest show about dating. Women attracted to the handsome, well built man with money, relationship built on lies, the man overstating his own worth to impress the ladies, etc...

Now if only we could pitch a show about stereotyping...

2002-12-09T08:07:00.000-08:00

Weekends are GOOOOOD. We like them. So the Hawkeyes are heading to the Orange bowl instead of the Rose bowl for the new years bash (or January 2nd, whatever). Which leads me to an interesting point, whatever happened to all the important bowls playing on New Years Day? I mean there were a couple of bowls for the mid-major conferences that started up in mid December, but other than that, everything came to a head around New Years Eve and New Years Day. Now we have 30 or more bowls spread out over a couple of weeks. Who has time to sit through that many bowl games, unless your name is Corso, Fowler, or Herbstreit? Just doesn't happen. College football has gotten more and more greedy as the years go on, and the BCS selection on Saturday confirmed that. Tradition and pagentry is getting thrown out the window to make way for more bags of cash, costing us the purity of the game. If the BCS is supposed to be the best match-ups money can buy, why do we have a Georgia v. FSU Sugar bowl, or a Oklahoma v. Washington State Rose bowl? No offense to the Sooner fans out there, but the only time that game will be interesting is when the Washington State defense is on the field, and no way should a four loss FSU team beat out ND or Kansas State to get into the BCS mix. I understand that FSU had a tough non-conference schedule, but they still don't deserve to play Georgia. I don't think that a playoff system is the right answer, but it would have to be better than what we have now. Let me know what you guys think.

2002-12-06T13:13:00.000-08:00

I'm too drugged up to write today - been hallucinating all morning due to the vicodin and antibiotic combo I'm currently working with, coupled with a lack of sleep. Though I suppose this might end up assisting the creative process more than anything. My body feels like it's been through the wringer after a three day bender, and I'm getting out of here and sleeping through most of the evening. Have a good weekend all, hopefully I'm going to be well rested and off the pain killers by next week.

Huh, I sound like Brett Farve don't I?

2002-12-05T12:51:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of writing from me the last couple of days, it's been interesting up here. I had some tooth pain the last couple of days that culminated with a root canal last night, so I have an excuse... and pain pills. Tuesday night was the last straw, as my tooth ache kept me up all night, so when I went to the dentist on Wednesday, they found an absys (infection) around one of the roots in my bottom molars. He gave me some antibiotics to kill the infection, and some pain killers (vicodin) for being such a good sport - or to make the pain bareable, whatever. He continued by telling me that a root canal was a must because the pain would return unless addressed. I'm sure you are all thinking what I was thinking, "isn't that what the antibiotics are for"? Well he didn't think that was too funny, and said the infection would return unless addressed - with the root canal. So I made an appointment with a root canal specialist (from here on out affectionately termed motherfucker) for yesterday afternoon to complete the perfect day. The procedure lasted about an hour and a half and included five shots of novacane (two in my jaw, one under the tooth, and two more in the freshly exposed nerves in my tooth) and a solid half hour of drilling. Needless to say, I didn't feel much of anything after the five shots... then again I didn't start getting sensation back in my face until this morning (though that could have been the novacane / vicodin cocktail I had swirling in the bloodstream too, whatever. So for those of you who have already been through this pain, I salute you. Those who have not - good luck. I know this is the place where I should tell you to take care of your teeth, and brush and floss, blah blah blah. It's not going to happen though, my situation came about because the previous dentist hadn't fitted my crown well enough and as a result I spent yesterday afternoon with the root canal motherfucker.

On a side note, can anyone else think of a more terrifying noise than the dentist's drill?

2002-12-05T10:39:00.000-08:00

So now that we are on the movie kick, lets keep the old ball rolling. Has Bill Murray ever made a bad movie? I mean seriously. He was a genius on Saturday Night Live, and just kept on trucking with such hits as Ghostbusters, Stripes, and Scrooged. Let's not forget Caddyshack, where he was VASTLY unappreciated as the unshakable Carl Spackler. Why this man hasn't won an academy award for Best Actor I'll never know. I mean look at the range of roles that he has played.

Ghostbusters = professor
Caddyshack = grounds keeper
Wild Things = lawyer
What About Bob = mental patient
Kingpin = bowler
The Man Who Knew Too Little = secret agent / clerk at blockbuster

The list goes on and on. I feel that Bill Murray should be held with such high regard as other great thespians of our era. Brando, DiNero, Sir Anthony Hopkins, Bill Murray. It just sounds right doesn't it?

2002-12-03T20:41:00.000-08:00

I realize now that there is an educated audience that we are facing and holds us to a high standard of blogging. So be it. The main critique on the movie issue was that ferris should not beat platoon for best picture in '86. I did not realize that was the year it came out - so for follow up - of the movies I listed - here is how they should be seen in history.

Winners listed first

1980 - originally
Ordinary People
Raging Bull
Elephant Man
Tess
Coal Miners Daughter

1980 should have been
Raging Bull
Caddy Shack
Blues Brothers
Tess
Ordinary People

1984 - Fletch was better than all the nominees
Amadeus
Killing Fields
Passage to India
Places in the Heart
Soilders Story

because this is taking too much room I will abbreviate

1986 - Platoon is perhaps the best war movie of all time and deserved best picture but Ferris was better than: The Mission and Hannah and her Sisters.

1996 - Happy Gilmore was better than Secrets & Lies and Shine. Secrets & Lies was one of the most overated movies I have ever seen.

1999 - A very competitive year - but South Park was better than the Green Mile in my opinion. Not better than American Beauty - but damn good.

But what all this detail is trying to prove is that even if comedies are not the best picture of a year, they should not be forgotten by the Oscars. Many of these movie nominations for best picture are quickly forgotten. There are plenty of examples where comedies a much better fate than they have now. Has there never been any comedy that was one of the top 5 movies of the year? Hardly.

2002-12-03T11:58:00.000-08:00

Thank you thank you. I thought I would pretend to bring some class to the Instant Pleasure blog. I figure I can be the movie writer and also thow in some sports and current events every now and again. Along with the ranting of course. So we start with a complain I had one night:

Why are there no retrospective Oscars? Because of this there is almost no way that comedies can win an Oscar. This makes absolutely no sense. Everyone knows that the Oscars are dominated by dramas and thrillers yet the majority of money comes in from comedies (no source, just educated speculations). If the Oscars are supposed to represent the best in movies how can it go on for so long and no one see this oversight. I just saw a commercial for Ferris bueller's day off and know that this was a true classic, yet it was never recognized by the Oscars. Granted that there are new awards like MTV and Teen Choice awards, but they do not recognize the best, but only the most popular at the time and anytime the award show out stages the recipients, I have a problem with that. I then realized that truly great comedies can only really be appreciated in retrospect and ironically like wine, can only be appreciated with the passing of time. This is why a system that only looks at the previous year is discriminatory toward one very significant form of movies. No one wants to be embarrassed by giving Oscars to something like American Pie. American Pie was one of the funniest initial movies that I ever saw - will it stand the test of time? I doubt it. Yet there are some comedies out there than can and should be recognized by the Oscars and put in the AFI top 100. Here is a very short list of comedies I believe deserve Oscars: Blues Brothers, Dumb and Dumber, Fletch, Ferris Bueller's day off, South Park, and Happy Gilmore (let's not forget Caddyshack, Ghostbusters, Spies Like Us - Greg). Will these movies every be recognized by their peers at the elite level? What comedies am I missing? Am I way off base with this? Are comedies really a form of movie less than dramas and thrillers? If so, why do I spend my time watching as many of one as the other? Is that not one of the final determinations of what movies are truly amazing?

2002-12-03T11:47:00.000-08:00

Okay kids - we are back from a lengthy hiatus to Denver to visit the family for Thanksgiving, refreshed and ready to discuss the inner workings of the world. Unfortunately I am also suffering from writers block, and the reoccuring effects of eating too much this weekend, so I brought on a partner to help with the writing duties - Erik. Hopefully we can get along and co-exist on this page long enough to make complete asses of ourselves and keep everyone entertained in the meantime, while providing thought provoking posts (or wrist slashing posts... whatever). Please extend to him the same courtesy that you all have shown me thus far... so feel free to be your regular asshole selves... and welcome him in the spirit of this website.

Erik, welcome. How many fingers am I holding up?

2002-11-27T09:21:00.000-08:00

Can $5,600 really buy happiness? I know on most college campus' it certainly does, and not just when used for beer money. For most college students, rushing the field after a big win is a time honored tradition - joining your fellow students in celebrating a great, emotional win for (insert University or College here). Jumping around with classmates, slapping players on the back, and tearing down the goalposts is a way for the college student watching from the stands, to connect with the team and the school they are attending, to celebrate a big win. I think this tradition is one reason (in a LONG list of reasons) why college football is better than any sport on the planet.

My question in this post, is what constitutes a "big win"? We will automatically include games that secure a conference title as a big game, as well as victories against "rivalry" schools, and higher ranked opponents. Is it necessary for students to rush the field when you win a close game in the last seconds against an opponent that is of equal talent? Probably not. My example here would be the Iowa victory over Purdue this year, last minute drive for a TD, then the last second INT that sealed the game. Exciting? yes. Big game? not so much. Another example would be Kentucky fans rushing the field against LSU... oh wait... I think you have to win in order to rush the field - makes a difference. We also have to consider wins that end losing streaks. Duke's win this year, Tulsa winning to end a 17 game losing streak, these are reasons to rush the field. Iowa beating Minnesota, Washington beating Washington State, OSU over Michigan, USC over ND... whoops... getting a little ahead of myself. Anyway, these are all reasons to jump onto the field and celebrate - just keep it safe and watch out for falling goalposts.

2002-11-26T10:15:00.000-08:00

Here's a little something to build off of the big brother topic on my brother's site. Minnesota recently passed a law giving citizens the option of registering on a telemarketing do-not-call list. On the first day of registration, over 189,000 people signed up to take part in this list. Apparantly telemarketers must purchase this list for $125 every three months, or be fined $1000 dollars. Sounds pretty good, and they almost convinced me and the wife to sign up and join the rest of the state on the bandwagon - until I read the small print. This law covers all telemarketers except for political organizations, not-for profit organizations, businesses with a prior relationship with the consumer, and solicitors that do not intend to close the deal over the phone (lawn care companies, contractors, etc...) Doesn't sound that bad, except nothing in the law prevents the organizations that are exempt from these restrictions from purchasing the "no-call-list" and start dialing away. I don't think the people that signed up for the do-not-call list realize that this offer opens them up to blanket calls from all the organizations under the exemption, and in fact gives them a cheap database of over 700,000 people (using numbers from a similar law in Wisconsin) for $125 every 3 months.

Any wonder how this law passed? I think for now I'll stick with making up elaborate lies about how the person they are asking for died, or moved away after an elicit affair with my best friend/brother/sister. Try it out, it's usually good for a laugh as the telemarketer tries to back peddle - I guarantee it isn't in their book of standard responses.

2002-11-26T09:58:00.000-08:00

Pumpkins around the nation beware !!! Apparantly the University of Wisconsin-Stout is turning out more than the future leaders of America. A Minnesota freshman appeared in court yesterday claiming that the 11 pipe bombs that were discovered in his dorm room were going to be used to blow up pumpkins. Whatever happened to the days of getting into trouble for having beer or liquor in your dorm room?

This reminds me of something a great man once said, "Ahh.. alcohol. The cause, and solution, to many of life's problems." - Homer Simpson.

2002-11-25T12:02:00.000-08:00

So NCS Pearson screwed up and had to pay huh? Apparently the national testing organization made a little oops in the scoring and ended up failing about 8,000 people. The students got together and sued the testing organization over this, and won about $7 million in damages. Okay, so does everyone that failed this test get the same settlement? Hell no. Here's the breakdown.

"$363 for students who suffered minor consequences as a result of the error" (my guess would be not getting laid on prom night).
"Students who attended summer school under the mistaken impression that they failed the math test could get up to $275."
"Students who had to get treatment from a psychologist or psychiatrist could be eligible for up to $3,250."
"$16,000 for seniors who missed their graduations since passing the basic skills test is a requirement for a high school diploma."

Let's stop and look at two of these statements. First off, who needs to undergo treatment from a psychologist or psychiatrist because they failed a test? Trust me, I have experience in this matter and it is nothing that can't be solved by sitting down with Mr. Cuervo and waking up on the steps of the Old Capital building... or with extra credit. Whatever. I would think that the High School would look at the folks that had to get treatment for failing a test and say, "um, yeah... we should probably keep you here for some further development." Or until you realize that you failed a test because shit happens, not due to abandonment issues you may or may not have with (insert parent here) - sorry, had to vent.

The other statement we are going to look at is the payment of up to $16,000 for the "inconvenience" of missing graduation. WTF? Let's see a show of hands of folks out there who would take $16 large to skip their HS graduation? I know my graduation was in our football stadium, on astroturf, in June. I think they were preparing to send us into the real world by setting us on fire. Would I have skipped the ceremony? I realize that HS graduation is supposed to be a memory you keep your whole life, and look back on when your kids graduate, but come on. Maybe I'm being overly cynical, but I'm thinking that this experience is a great way of welcoming these grads into the real world.

Move over, and pass the Cuervo.

2002-11-25T11:37:00.000-08:00

Well okay then. I guess that the holiday season is time for us to sit around with our loved ones, reflect on those that are important in our lives, remember old stories, and stab your siblings. The only thing that was pretty good about this story is he didn't have time to field dress his kill. Yikes.

2002-11-22T09:44:00.000-08:00

How about we start today off talking about a lawsuit by two girls in the New York City, NY area. These two girls, 14 & 19, are claiming that McDonalds is to blame for their obesity because the restaurant didn't provide nutritional content information on the food they were consuming. The lawyers for the case are looking to make this a class action suit against McDonalds on behalf of all the obese kids out on the island. So do I need to start in on the value of taking responsibility for your own actions? I guess the basis for this lawsuit is one kid that ate at McDonalds every day for three years while in a homeless shelter, and another kid that ate there four to five times a week and now they are obese, but can't figure out why.

Here is a quote from one of the defendants fathers from the NY Times article on the matter: "Ms. Bradley's father, Israel, who now lives with his daughter in Brooklyn, said he never saw anything in the McDonald's restaurants he visited providing information about the ingredients in the food, according to court documents. "I always believed McDonald's was healthy for my children," he said in an affidavit." WTF? Why aren't people suing him for breeding?

In the US today, we have become lawsuit happy. In the absence of hard work and personal responsibility, we have started looking to blame the "other guy" for all our problems, and then look to get rich off of it due to personal suffering or whatever other pain that may or may not have been caused by this problem. I have thought for years that getting rid of these frivolous lawsuits would keep the legal system running smoothly, and decrease the cost to tax payers by keeping the courts free for "real" cases. So how do we keep the lawyers from taking on obviously frivolous lawsuits? What about suspending their license after 2-3 frivolous lawsuit cases? Or making the plaintiffs and lawyers pay a fine to the state for wasting the courts time? Either way I think there needs to be some drastic change in the amount of lawsuits being brought against companies because someone is too stupid to use common sense. Damn lawyers (shout out to Aaron).

2002-11-21T08:37:00.000-08:00

Okay, okay. Been a little behind on the writing over here, but I've been busy. So maybe I haven't been so busy as I've been uninspired. Lets kick back up with a little scenario that would make me very happy as a Hawkeye fan. How about this - OSU loses to Michigan this weekend -> everyone else wins out. Miami is #1, Washington State is #2, and I would think Oklahoma, and OSU would be 3 & 4. The season finishes, and we have projections of Miami, Washington State, Oklahoma, OSU, Georgia, Notre Dame, and Iowa. The bowl picture would shake out like this:

Fiesta Bowl - Miami v. Washington State
Orange Bowl - Oklahoma v. BCS at Large
Sugar Bowl - Georgia v. Florida State
Rose Bowl - Iowa v. BCS at Large

Now anyone who knows the BCS rules would know that OSU and Notre Dame would be guaranteed BCS spots in the final bowls of the year because OSU finished in the top 4, and Notre Dame in the top 6. Orange bowl gets to pick first because Miami finishes #1, and they take Notre Dame because they are fresh off a win at USC, and have a HUGE following around the country (especially with this surprise turn-around season). That would leave a Big11ten matchup of Iowa v. OSU in the Rose Bowl to finally show the conference that we are for real as we beat the piss out of the hopeless Buckeyes.

Is it just me, or can anyone else think of a better team for Iowa to slap around on New Years Day?

Plus - let me give a shout out to Aaron and my allegiance through association to Oklahoma - OU would get the GREAT pleasure of kicking the snot out of the ND pretenders in the Orange Bowl.

And to all a good night...

2002-11-18T10:15:00.000-08:00

Guilty pleasure movies. We all have them, and for the most part are embarrased to discuss them (or admit to liking them in public). Well I was flipping through channels the other day and came across one of my favorite guilty pleasure movies of all time, Road House. Don't know why I love it so much, but it is one of those movies that I just have to sit and watch whenever it is on TV (at least until the end where Swayze sneaks into the mansion). Now the definition of a guilty pleasure movie is pretty vague, but I figure the movie has to be one that you sit down and watch when it is on TV (or at least parts of it), and is generally regarded as a bad movie. Here are some examples of movies that would make the guilty pleasure list, if they weren't held in such high regard by my generation: Better Off Dead (or any 80's John Cusak movie), Goonies, Road House, Overboard (shout out to Meghan - and Meghan alone), and Point Break. I'm sure there are more of them, but those are the only ones I can think of right now. So what I'm looking for is soem feedback on what you guys consider to be guilty pleasure movies. I'll start it off by listing some of my top guilty pleasure movies, please feel free to discuss among yourselves.

1.) Road House.
2.) Cocktail.
3.) Necessary Roughness.
4.) The 'Burbs.
5.) Weekend at Bernies.
6.) Liar Liar
7.) Meet Joe Black (I don't really think this is a bad movie, but wanted everyone to think back - and giggle - when Brad Pitt is CREAMED by the truck at the beginning of the movie. Hee Hee).
8.) The Waterboy.

That's a start anyway, hopefully people still talk to me after leaving my shame out flapping in the breeze... though most of you still do after a couple of drives that didn't clear the ladies tee....

2002-11-18T09:45:00.000-08:00

Now that the tough part is out of the way, lets talk movies. About three weeks ago when Erik was still up here living with us, he went out and bought a couple of DVD's for us for a "thank you" to Meghan and me. Nice sentiment, but it capped off a discussion that I was hoping to pose to anyone who might stumble across this. He picked up Dirty Dancing for Meghan (which is going to be a post unto itself) and he grabbed Hoosiers for me. Now I realize that this was incredibly rude of me but, as he is my best friend, I had to break the news that I HATE Hoosiers. Don't know why that is, I realize that everyone loves the movie, but I can't sit down and watch it again - it was that bad for me. Which sparked the conversation about movies that are generally regarded as good, but we just can't watch. Erik's sister Jackie has never, and will never, watch Star Wars, Meghan can't stand Princess Bride (wuv, twooo wuv), and I honestly don't remember what movie Erik hates - but the point was made. There are movies out there that people just hate for the sake of hating. Explainations abound for why this is, but lets start the snarking.

2002-11-18T09:15:00.000-08:00

Alright kids, lets start the week on a good note by celebrating the Iowa Hawkeyes victory over the Vikings, er... Gophers this Saturday at the Metrodome. I was in attendance with about 30-35,000 screaming Hawkeye fans, and it seriously felt like the football gods slapped a roof on Kinnick, and moved it 300 miles north. Tailgating was a trip as usual (being that it was 16 degrees when we started), considering that everyone around us was either from Iowa, or a graduate of Iowa that lived in Minnesota. Very good bonding experience for those of us that revel in drunken ramblings around a wood burning stove, again solidifying the FACT that there is no experience quite like college football. I also have to give major kudos to my tailgating buddies - The Boyd's, Jeff & Jeff (Blum & Asell), Katie, and the Canada's - for taking the tailgating experience to the next level complete with propane heater, and full-sized gas grill. I suppose this shouldn't come as a shock considering the last Vikings game we all went to included showing up four hours early to BBQ and play NFL Blitz on Playstation in the parking lot - however congratulations for a tailgate well done needs to go out. So the challenge goes out to please top this tailgating experience. I want to hear about the best and brightest tailgating experiences - homecoming at Kinnick doesn't count because that is always a production (whenever Martha get's involved... hee.)

2002-11-15T10:27:00.000-08:00

So when Ed Rooney in Ferris Bueller's Day Off says, "...your ass is mine !!!" to the Ferris look-alike at the pizza parlor, he was giving a premonition? I joke, but I think this is truly sad, and hope beyond hope that Jeffery Jones is innocent. He isn't exactly one of the great American actors, but he was a "that guy" in movies and it is unfortunate that he has been accused of something like this - remember that we are still innocent until proven guilty (unless you are a character on Law and Order). Hopefully he is innocent, and can continue to be "that guy" in future movies.

2002-11-14T13:11:00.000-08:00

Poor Russell Crowe. I mean the guy is supposed to be a bad ass in the world of movies, but he keeps picking fights he can't win. Maybe he'll deserve a serious look when they make the movie "Never Bet on the White Guy" the gripping tale of a fighter from Philadelphia that is searching for his first win. My god. At least if you are going to hit a guy, make sure and put the guy down.

2002-11-14T12:41:00.000-08:00

Does anyone else have an opinion on the Augusta National situation (if you can truly call it a situation)? If you are currently in the dark, we are talking about Augusta National Chairman William "Hootie" Johnson (just a killer name really) not allowing Women members at Augusta National Golf Club. Martha Burk, and the NCWO, have started the movement to boycott Augusta's Masters tournament because of their "men only" stance. I know that most folks think of me as a liberal, but in this case I have to ask why this issue is garnering so much nation attention? The NCWO is trying to stong arm members, sponsors, and the public into beliving this is a great injustice that a bunch of rich men (up until 12 or so years ago, rich WHITE men) won't allow a rich woman to become a member. I do agree that it isn't right for an organization, especially one that is made up mainly of CEO's and powerful businessmen, to preach equality in the work place, then turn around and become a member of a male only club. We are talking about people like the CEO of Coca Cola, IBM, American Express, and Coors (to name a few) who have very strict laws regarding discrimination in the work place, joining up with a club that discriminates against women. However, this is a PRIVATE club, and not subject to the same laws as businesses and government. They are allowed to invite whomever they want, regardless of race, gender, or religion - because they are a privately funded organization. My opinion is that we are hearing cries from the NWOC on this issue not because of the seriousness of the stance, but because of the response they got from our old pal Hootie. Seems that Martha send old Hootie a private letter telling him that he should have women members in his club. Well Hootie blew up because he didn't want some women's organization telling him what to do with his club. The NWOC doesn't want to back down in it's crusade for equal rights (regardless of the futility in this case) because it would be a sign of defeat for an organization that has it's heart in the right place, and Hootie doesn't want to make it seem that he is allowing women members because he was bullied into it (even though he has suggested and supported movements within the club to allow women members). Whatever work the NWOC thought they were doing has been pushed back a good cause about two years because of the old men running the club. Then again, what self respecting woman would want to sit around smelling old man and scotch all day anyway? Though playing Augusta would be a kick...

2002-11-13T06:33:00.000-08:00

Last article link for today, but I thought this one was pretty good. The article talks about how Motherhood may make women smarter because the hormones produced during pregnancy washes the brain, which (during testing) showed an increase in memory and skills, with a decrease in protein linked to Alzheimers. It seems to me that this information is common knowledge, because as everyone knows mothers remember EVERYTHING. It's like collecting evidence, if done properly can be used against you down the road. If your memory is shot, you have little or no chance to store this evidence and a conviction is probably not going to stand. I wonder if they will continue this study to show at what point in the child rearing process mothers develop that 6th sense for knowing with the kids are being bad. I know that our Mom always knew the EXACT moment to come into a room to catch us doing the worst thing - not like duct taping a sibling to a chair or anything (had to give a shout out to Asell) - but enough to get us punished.

2002-11-13T06:12:00.000-08:00

Here is another example of the benefits of having a dog. I found it interesting that having the children teach the dogs obedience helps improve the childrens' attitudes and behaviors. Though I suppose it doesn't hurt that they have all those leashes, muzzles, and kennels lying around.

2002-11-12T13:03:00.000-08:00

Here is something interesting to note about marriage. The article says that people that "Paying too much attention to a spouse's back pain can make it worse." You would think that this is counter intuitive considering that when people you care about are hurting people usually try and help out as best they can. So the next time your spouse is asking for a backrub, remember that you are only hurting the one you love.

2002-11-12T11:12:00.000-08:00

So Meghan and I watched a competition on Animal Planet this weekend called Superstar Challenge. It consists of agility, the dog launch, and dirt dog competitions. Now I think we all know what the agility competition is right? It's the one where they make the dogs run around and jump over fences, run through tunnels, over see-saws, and that sort of thing. Pretty cool, especially considering that we have a hard time getting Cali (our dog) to listen if a piece of bacon isn't directly involved (which doesn't make her fat by the way). Though to her credit, I have a hard time paying attention if bacon isn't directly involved (which may make me fat, time will tell). Mmmm... bacon. The dirt dog competition is where the owners take their dogs and shove them down a hole, then time them to see how quickly they can maneuver through the tunnels (following the scent) to find the caged rat at the end. Pretty cool competition, considering they really don't have anything like that for people - though they should. I guarantee you that the ratings would go up if we were shoving people into a hole to find a piece of cake or something at the end, though the dogs seem amused so what the hell. The final competition is the dog launch. This is the one where they give the dogs a running start on a pier to gauge how far they jump off into the water. I know it seems mindless, but it really was funny to watch these dogs go flying through the air, then at the last minute squish up their face and brace themselves for impact. I don't know what made me want to share this with everyone, but for those of you that don't spend time watching Animal Planet, you are really missing out. Check it out, it's on this weekend.

On a completely unrelated topic - let's get back to Bachelor information. (link may contain spoilers) Here is an article from Reuters regarding some off shore betting going on for who Aaron asks to marry him. Now I don't think this is the best idea that BetWWTS.com probably ever came up with, considering THE SHOW IS FREAKING TAPED !!! Apparantly there were a lot of people from Springfield, MO placing $300 bets on who they thought was the winner. If you read the article, the part that kills me is at the bottom when they interview Aaron and he says, "My parents don't even know the outcome, let alone my friends." Wow. I mean, WOW. How do you not tell your parents and friends about which woman you asked to marry you? It's not like she's a dog you adopted from the pound, and decided to hide from your parents and friends by keeping her in the basement. Though considering he lives in Missouri...

2002-11-12T11:02:00.000-08:00

Still alive over here - sorry I haven't been up to date on the weblogging, but work keeps rearing it's ugly head. Anyway.

2002-11-08T10:25:00.000-08:00

So in case you haven't figured it out yet, we are talking about pop culture topics here. I'm going to try and stay away from the political and news items to keep the topics as light as possible. Though if political and news are your thing, try jeffutech.blogspot.com or katieutech.blogspot.com and finally ungratefulbastard.blogspot.com. All good sites to keep you up-to-date on the latest goings on in the world today. Here, we talk about things like TV, movies, and any general idiocy that happens to pop into my head (which as you all know happens a lot).
So let's talk TV. We've been watching this "bachelor" show since the beginning, when Alex was the media pin cushion (for being a swimmer - and... lets face it... quite "sensitive"). Now for those of you that have not watched the show, you are seriously missing out. I realize that it is mindless entertainment, but there is nothing quite like discussing who you think the bachelor should throw off the show first. Meghan and I got Erik hooked while he was up here, and he loved it - proving that cat fights between strangers does in fact make for good entertainment - hence Elimidate. Now, on to my point. In about 2-3 months we are going to be privy to a new spin on the show called "The Bachelorette" where the runner-up from last year gets to choose from 50 guys to decide who SHE wants to ask to marry her. Sounds like a good premise for a show except that what makes the original so good is the cat fighting, and general nastiness of the women involved. Claws come out, tears are shed, CLOTHES are shed (at an exponential rate I might add), girls jump on trampolines, and hearts are broken. Now I think that when they turn the tables, the men aren't going to be nearly as entertaining as the women are - because most guy behavior is limited to smiling when happy, and sulking when sad or hurt. You can't build a solid hour around the bachelorette asking the guy, "what's wrong" or "what are you thinking" every two minutes to the answer, "nothing". Just not riveting television.
On another point, what's the deal with every date ending in a whirlpool or hot tub? I want to know the answer to this, and I hope it isn't the obvious one about showing off women in swimsuits because that would mean they are pandering to the lowest common denominator, and since I'm watching the show... well you get the point. It's like how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? The world may never know. Unless that stupid kid brings his daddy's gun to the "wise old owl" and tells him to pony up a new tootsie pop.

2002-11-08T09:39:00.000-08:00

Does anyone else know why people feel the need to read while they drive? I mean talking on your cell phone is one thing if you are a child of the 90's, multi-tasking is in our blood, but reading? I'm waiting for the day I pull up to a stop sign, only to get waived through because the other person is busy shampooing their dog.

2002-11-08T08:44:00.000-08:00

I've decided that I can't be famous in the music or sports industry like ever. I'm afraid that it has nothing to do with natural ability, but more so with my name, I just can't abbreviate it to make it cool. We have J-Lo, P. Diddy, C-Webb, A-Rod, J-Will, MJ... but I don't think they could do that with my name. G-Ute? GU? Grrrr U? G-You? Probably not going to come rolling out of Stuart Scott's mouth anytime soon. It's like you have to have a cool name to swing it in pro sports or music. It is a conspiracy to keep those of us with names that don't sound cool abbreviated out of their exclusive little club. Well I for one am pissed. Why should I be kept from my millions simply because of my name? My name is what I answer to, not who I am - don't judge my potential based on it. Damn.
By the way, I think the short, slow, white guy with no rhythm thing may have played a part too, but who am I to question the overwhelming facts?

2002-11-07T11:39:00.002-08:00

On a totally unrelated topic, does anyone else hate Rachel from Friends? From day 1, I have wanted someone to recreate a scene from Untouchables by cracking her over the head with a bat. Is that too much to ask? Seriously, Phoebe is unbalanced enough that I might still get my wish. I also can't figure out why they haven't done a story around Ross as a medical marvel, being a documented case of a person living without a spine and all. His shyness was kind of endearing in the first couple of seasons, but around season 5-6 they turned him into some whiney, spineless, speed freak. Has there ever been a better documented case of a guy staying with an abusive, obnoxious woman simply because she is hot? Guy logic does seem to dictate that hot women = good, but at some point you have to draw the line. So let me ask, at what point do you say that attractiveness isn't enough to oust "well-balanced" as a critical sticking point for being with someone? I know most people will say that attractiveness isn't important, it's what's on the inside that counts.. blah.. blah.. blah. Well for those people, and the people that have found the one they want to "walk through this world" with, please just play along. I'm looking for creative answers of what that person might do to make you look at them and think, "yeah... just not worth it." Let's see what we get.

2002-11-07T11:39:00.001-08:00

Still blanking, though I was wondering if anyone else was wondering right now what would happen if Christie Brinkley married Doug Christie? I guess it is a moot point considering that the current Mrs. Christie would have to die, and we all know that Doug simply doesn't have the stones to go through with that. He pointed that out when he took to the playground with Rick Fox. God, was that pathetic. I mean, couldn't we have at least had someone who could take a punch in that fight? You've got Rick Fox, who is afraid to ruin his model looks, and Doug Christie who's pushover meter is off the charts. Throw in Shaq's jacket and you've got 100 on the Unintentional Comedy Scale. My god, what was that thing? My guess is he got to keep the suits he used in that throwback commercial for Burger King, and thought Beyonce Knowles actually dresses like she did in the Austin Powers movie.

2002-11-07T11:39:00.000-08:00

Okay, so what do we do now? My brother gets me into this whole "writing my thoughts" thing, and what happens? I blank. Updates on the level of blankiness to follow.